Today I put on my new sweater and it makes me happy because it reminds me of my Mum. I found it on the weekend in a shop over here called “Lucky Brand”. It’s the American version of Just Jeans. I wish she were alive as I would have sent it to her. Without hesitation or reason, just because I love and miss her. She would do stuff like that for me all the time.
My mother LOVED elephants. She had a cabinet full of them. She loved that they were a symbol of luck. She loved how majestic they looked. But mostly she loved how powerful, protective, emotional and playful they were as mothers. When Hamish was born she gave me a little blue toy elephant as a congratulations gift and for ages it sat up on my bookshelf. “Elephanty”, as Hamish calls him, went unnoticed for a very long while and then one day when Hamish was a Toddler he wanted it and I hesitantly gave it to him. I was hesitant because at this stage my mum had become sick with Cancer.
And when Mum was sick everything she gave me became that little bit more special and this is why I handed over “Elephanty” with mixed emotions. Why shouldn’t he have the elephant, which I guess in some respects was given to both of us. Hamish keeps it as one of his “bed friends” and when ever I can’t find it, I go into a mild panic until I’ve rummaged through all the bed-clothes and found the little blue critter bundled up in the furthest corner of the bed, miles from where child has been sleeping. When we travel, if he insists on taking it I watch it as closely as I watch the other two kids to make sure it doesn’t get left on airplanes or absent mindedly picked up by cleaners in our hotel room.
My Mum has always sent me special cards and presents. Sometimes I’d joke with her and tell her she was losing it because she’d sent me the same card three times in a row. She’d just laugh and say the card selection at the local flower shop was probably running low that week. Smiley faces, cuddling elephants, quirky giraffes, plump cherubs. They all became part of the weekly card and thoughts.
I’ve had these thoughts rolling around in my head all morning. Then as I was drinking my second cup of tea, I came across an article that my friend pointed out on Facebook. The article is called Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware. The Writer was a worker in the palliative care field and would often come across the same kinds of themes and regrets when talking to the terminally ill. She lists the five most common regrets:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
It is like the Universe slapping me in the face to just blog it out! I can look at this list and say that I have within reason, most of these in check. Happiness quota filled!
Today brings no words, just a reminder to let yourself be happy. For me it’s as easy as wearing a jumper that makes me feel like I’m getting a great big warm hug from someone who cannot be here to give it in person.
No Words, Just Thoughts... 